Worst. Movie. EVER.

I'm a huge fan of the Vancouver International Film Festival. In fact, when we decided to move to Victoria, it was one of the things I knew I would miss the most about Vancouver. So, we ventured over to Vancouver to see some film festival movies a couple weeks ago.

Brad chose a film called Birdsong. It was the story of the three wise men.

This is 98 minutes of my life I will never get back. Ever.

There was almost no dialogue and certainly no music. The theatre was virtually silent for 98 minutes.

One of the worst scenes (which was about 12 minutes long, uninterrupted) was a shot of three guys slowly, s l o w l y walking over a sand dune. They disappear over the top, 30 seconds pass then they start. coming. back.

The rest of the movie consisted of again, excrutiating long shots of Joseph just sitting there outside his rock shelter doing NOTHING AT ALL. Mary hanging out with a lamb or climbing on rocks, and almost complete dark shots that you could barely make out.

After a while I started to entertain myself by:

1. Counting the number of people leaving the theatre
2. Listening to the woman's stomach growl next to me
3. I considered taking out the credit cards from my wallet and practising reading "braille"
4. Watching a guy a few rows ahead tip his popcorn bag over his mouth

Seriously, you think Plan 9 was bad? At least there was dialogue!! Independance Day? At least there was music!?

I should have known when one of the "actors" and the producer introduced the film and the producer said "I once presented this film to a theatre with 1000 people, and only 200 left!"

I should have walked out, but at one point I said to myself "I'm going to wait three more scenes." Well, little did I know then that the scenes were super long. After that I asked Brad what time it was and he said we had been there an hour already. I whisper back "good pick" as I settled into my seat to continue counting the people leaving.

God.